Are you a perfectionist?

Did you know the fear of not being good enough often underlies perfectionism? It’s the feeling that we must be perfect to be accepted, loved, or safe. 

But “perfect” isn’t attainable, so it can mean we often feel like we’re not satisfied with how we’re doing in life. Perfectionism can manifest in all areas of our life - in how we’re doing at school, work, in how we parent, how we show up in our relationships, sporting activities or when cooking a meal. Perfectionism can mean that we:

• hold ourselves to impossibly high standards.
• rarely satisfied with our efforts, no matter how much we achieve
• become our own harshest critics, often dwelling on flaws rather than successes
• experience significant anxiety and stress about making mistakes
• procrastinate or avoid starting tasks for fear of not doing them perfectly
• equate our worth with our achievements, leading to a fragile sense of self-esteem
• miss out on joy and spontaneity, always striving for an unattainable ideal
• struggle to celebrate our accomplishments, immediately focusing on what could have been better

If you’re a perfectionist, here are some things you can do to help:

Make a mistake on purpose. If you identify as a perfectionist, here's a powerful exercise to try: intentionally make a mistake. Consciously do the very thing you tend to avoid for fear of imperfection. Stumble over your words, or put a little less effort into a task- and then observe. Notice that you are still safe, still valued, and still worthy, even when things don't go exactly as planned. This helps reinforce that value and safety isn’t contingent on being flawless. 

Journal to understand how you feel. When you better understand your thoughts and feelings, it can allow you to shift them.

• What areas of your life do you have perfectionist tendencies? It could be in your job, cooking for your loved ones, or any another role. 
• Explore why it’s important to do things well in this area of your life and where these feelings come from. 
• How can you intentionally let go of the need for perfection in this area, even in small ways, and practice self-compassion instead?
  

Remind yourself that you’re allowed to make mistakes. It can take time to unlearn this thinking because our schools, workplaces and culture can reinforce a perfectionist mindset. We can’t always be the perfect parent, partner, or employee- we will inevitably make mistakes. Your worthiness as a human being remains constant, and is entirely separate from your performance in any role.

Write down a list of your strengths 

Remind yourself about all the wonderful attributes that make up you. Your list might include that you’re a kind person, a supportive friend, have a loving heart, and are brave. 

By acknowledging your wonderful attributes and gently challenging those perfectionist tendencies, you pave the way for greater self-acceptance and a more fulfilling and joyous life.